I like to think about and write about concepts.  I find it fascinating that we have buzz words or phrases that become trendy and once shared on social media or on TV you hear them everywhere.  When I hear these concepts or phrases it makes me think, and when I keep coming back to it to think some more, I like to write about it so I can think it through.  This one is controversial.  I know it will probably make many people angry and some will say I am insensitive.  That’s OK.  Maybe it sounds like I am.  But I am probably one of the most sensitive but honest, sometimes bluntly so, people you will meet.

I am all about equal empowerment for women and men, but not one at the expense of another.  I understand the history of feminism and gender roles/stereotypes, the psychology, the struggles and oppression of women and I am thankful to live at this time in history rather than even 75 years ago when my mother was growing up.

I also understand that there are so many people that didn’t have the strong and supportive childhood I had.  I was told I could do anything or be anything I wanted.  I have friends that were told they were worthless and they believe it to this day.  I have done a lot of research about childhood influences and the way one’s experiences affect your behavior as an adult.  It’s heartbreaking.

I have friends who have, as teenagers and adults, been in toxic relationships.  They can’t or won’t leave these relationships because this is their norm, believing that this is what love is and they will never find another person who loves them because they just aren’t good enough.

So that brings me to a saying that I see a lot.  I am enough.  Many people use it as a mantra.  It’s the way they find the strength to get out of the toxic relationship or to overcome their abusive childhood.  It’s the way they learn to love themselves or move towards self-acceptance.  It’s a good thing.

But it grates on my nerves.  I hate it.  And it took me a long time to figure out why.  I’m actually not sure if I have figured it out but here I am, writing and thinking it through.  The fact that it irritates me probably says a lot about me and my crazy issues.  But it does bug me and I think I know why.

It feels like settling.  It feels like I’m saying “I’m just ‘meh’ but I’m not a bad person”.  And that feels wrong to me.  I know how it’s used and it’s uplifting and empowering to some.  But it’s the word “enough” that bothers me.

I have always said that the person who says “You should accept me as I am”, is a person I believe doesn’t want accountability for their actions or doesn’t want to get better.  We should always be trying to get better.  There is value to accepting that people are not perfect and never will be.  There is value in accepting that about ourselves.  But that doesn’t mean we should give up on self-improvement.  We all have bad days where we do something stupid and sabotage our success.  We are sometimes too critical of ourselves, about our decisions, our bodies, or things we just are unable to change.  It’s just not productive and I wish I had helpful suggestions but I’m really just thinking this through.

I guess I’m looking for a mantra that says more than I Am Enough.  One that acknowledges self-acceptance and imperfection as a spouse, a parent, in one’s job, in friendships, in our bodies and more but that builds strength and resiliency and the desire to try again.  I want it to help me build my self-awareness and self-love when I don’t have it and to encourage me to work on that.

I realize that’s different for every person.  I feel like I understand the concept but haven’t really figured out the buzzy words for it.  I will work on that.  In the meantime, I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts, presented in a helpful way to help me think this through, not bashing what was said – enlighten me.  Leave a comment and share.