Category: Photography

Be Still, and Listen

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I have a really hard time being still.   I always seem to need something to do to keep me busy.  On this beautiful spring day, one could hope I could sit out on the patio and just enjoy it.  But no, that was not going to happen.  I tried.  I prepared a drink – brown liquor.  I am, after all, a Southern girl, even on a Sunday.  I brought out my iPad.  Nope.  Not happening.  I squirmed, tired of Facebook surfing and then felt a little guilty that I could not just sit and enjoy this amazing gift that the universe had provided me.

As they do every day, the birds were dipping and soaring around the trees and bushes, having noisy conversations amongst themselves.  I thought about my camera.  I don’t have a lens fast enough or powerful enough to get pictures of moving birds but I decided to bring out the camera and maybe take a few shots, just so I could enjoy nature and my favorite season of spring but have still something to keep me engaged.

I sat on the covered patio with my elbows propped on the table and the camera resting in my hands.  Of course the stubborn birds were nowhere to be seen.  A large yellow butterfly floated by.  Butterflies always remind me of my mom.  I became very still and watched the butterfly as it travelled on it’s winding path, pausing only briefly on the edge of a bush, then moving on.

Birds-4483I became aware of the gentle breeze.  I began to smell the trees.  That fresh, earthy but sweet smell I remembered from childhood.  I sometimes wonder if I have lost my sense of smell but it was there today and it smelled like a memory.

I listened.  The variety of chirps and tweets from the different types of birds felt like a lullaby.  I could hear what sounded like a cricket every now and then.  And then they came.  Birds of all colors – red, blue, yellow, brown, and black.  They landed in the trees around me.  They paused on small bushes that were just beginning to bloom after what I hope was the last gasp of winter’s breath.  Birds-4447

I have never been that interested in the types of birds outside my windows, only that they were there.  I caught a few shots of playful birds that dared to come close, close enough that I could capture a few shots as they danced on the closest, low hanging branches.

I was still.  And quiet.  I listened.  And it calmed my soul.

My Big Adventure

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I am building a house.  I have never done that before.  I have learned a lot.  And I cannot wait to be in that house which should happen in mid-December.

The process started in April.  I was going to sell my house and move to a newer house. I had lived in that house since 1997.  It was our first time buying a house .  Although both my kids were born in Alabama before we moved to Tennessee, we had only rented before moving into this house.  My kids basically grew up there.  My husband died there.  My grandson came home to that house and they lived there with me for 2 1/2 years.  Lots of memories.  But not a lot of outlets.  It needed new . . . everything.  And I needed a change.

My realtor sent me many home listings to look at.  He is a friend and he knows me well so he knew what I was looking for.  I didn’t want to live right up next to people with no spaces between homes.  I wanted something newer, not necessarily bigger.  My home was 2000 square feet and I was the only one living there so the size was fine.  I loved my sunroom that I had built on and I spent a lot of time in that room and little time elsewhere in the house.  I just needed the new space to be more useable space with a little room for entertaining.  My house was a tri-level, built in 1978 so the space tended to be chopped up and closed in.  I needed more counter space and storage space.  And I needed more outlets.

He sent me several new builds which I had previously not even considered because I didn’t think I could afford them.  As I looked at them . . . ding, ding, ding!  I COULD afford them.  Why would I keep looking at someone else’s home when I could build one I wanted with EXACTLY what I wanted?  I decided I needed a master on the main and a large kitchen.  My knees didn’t really want to do stairs and I am, after all, a Nana and only getting older.   He took me to look at some models. I really WAS trying to be practical.  Really.  And then I fell in love with a house.  Well, really I fell in love with a kitchen.

The Wakefield kitchen is part of a large open space across the entire back of the house.  The kitchen had tons of cabinets, tons of counter space, a huge pantry, a large bar and lots of light.  It was open to the eating area and family room with fireplace.  The cabinets were white, the granite was light in color and there was a light blue subway tile backsplash.  It was beautiful and exactly my style.  It was MY kitchen.  I wanted it.

I didn’t care that the house was 3500 square feet, much too large for just me.  I was so excited that my family could come and visit and would have space to stay.  I didn’t care that there was virtually no yard and the homes were 10 feet apart.  I didn’t care that the stairs were steep and straight up to the second floor.  I didn’t care that the master was upstairs because the master/master bath/laundry room were all amazing too.  I wanted it.  And I could afford it.  That is, IF I got the right price for my existing home.

Everything went smoothly into motion.  I proceeded with faith that this was going to happen.  I put my house on the market in late May and it sold for what I wanted and in less than 3 weeks.  OH, there bumps along the way, including a raccoon having babies in the walls under my master bath.  That’s another story for another day.  But it sold and I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment to wait patiently for my kitchen, I mean my house, to be built.

While I waited, I began to wonder if this was the right thing for me or if I was being selfish.  This house is too big for just me, what if I lost my job, what about the upkeep, am I being crazy?  But here’s the thing . . . I am 54 years old.  I always dreamed of having a house like this.  If not now, when?

I have worked hard and supported myself and my family.  I have done it alone since 2001.  I don’t want to say I “deserve” it.  No one “deserves” anything, good or bad.  I believe if you make your life choices based on the right reasons and think them through, you will make choices that enhance your life as well as others.  Sometimes it’s what you desire and sometimes it’s a learning experience.  But you always grow.  And sometimes you gotta take a chance.

I’m taking my chance.