Month: November 2015

On This Day

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June 2011_10

I used to write at my first blog, Living The Life of Tere from 2007 until I didn’t anymore.  I was happy there and learned a lot about writing.  My life changed and I was absent from writing about my life, and life in general, for some time. Eventually, I missed it and I started over here.

Every day on Facebook, my feed brings up On This Day.  For those not familiar, it displays your status, photos, and links that you posted on the same date for each of the past years.  It’s interesting to be reminded of the truly random things we share on Facebook, some significant and some that make you wonder why.  And it’s a little weird how we tend to do the same things on the same day in different years.

A few weeks ago, my feed started bringing up my blog posts that were feeding in as Notes.  I remember setting this up but don’t remember when I did it.  It’s been kind of fun because I am seeing the short and the long versions of what was going on in my life over the years.  Thursday’s feed had my blog post about my Dad’s visit to my brother and his family back in 2008.  At the time it was funny and it still is today.  It was about my dad getting food impacted in his esophagus.  Yes, I am aware that does not sound funny but you probably don’t know my family either.  Just read it.  As I look back at it now, Dad having passed away, that event eventually led me to a better understanding of Parkinson’s Disease, the disease that led to my dad’s death in late 2013.

Today’s “note” made me think about my writing and this new blog.  The post was from 2010.  I was attempting to explain my “guardrails” when I started blogging and when choosing what to write about.  Here is an excerpt:

At the time, I made a decision that I would not write about work.  That would just be stupid.  I would also not give details of my children’s lives that might embarrass them at some point.  I only wrote things they would be ok with reading or that their children might read about them later.  I also decided that I would only share personal feelings and thoughts about others that I was okay with that person reading.  Beyond that, everything else was on the table and open for discussion.  I wanted to tell funny stories.  I wanted to be thoughtful.   I wanted to inspire.

It’s a great reminder to me that nothing has really changed.  Those are my rules here also.  It was also the reason I stopped writing that blog.  I could not share without putting my heart into it and my heart was broken.  People I loved had done hurtful things to my family because they were hurt.  At the time, I needed to write about it but I did not want to be hurtful to others.  I wrote on paper to work through it.  I thought about putting it on the blog but decided against it.

I am glad now that I held back and did not cross that line.  Four years later, things are different and getting better.  I am still a little hurt but I’m not angry anymore.  To have had those words out there would not have helped things get better.  And the words would have been there forever.

I first activated On This Day because I thought it was interesting and fun to reminisce a bit about those minor things that happened one year ago, two years ago, six years ago today.  Who knew I would learn lessons?

Temporary

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Fall2015-4190

Everything in my life feels like it’s on hold until . . . whatever.   Waiting for something to be finished. Waiting for someone to respond. Waiting to hear. Waiting until there is permanence. Waiting for life to move on.  I know it’s only temporary like the beautiful tulips on my coffee table.

Fall2015-4193

On Saturday, they were fresh and colorful with only a few open blooms. On Sunday, they were opening and the black and yellow centers were showing through. Today they are fully open with petals bent back, not even looking like the same flower.

Everything changes. Change keeps things interesting. It also creates opportunities. It disrupts. It ends. And then you start over. And a new normal begins.

My Big Adventure

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I am building a house.  I have never done that before.  I have learned a lot.  And I cannot wait to be in that house which should happen in mid-December.

The process started in April.  I was going to sell my house and move to a newer house. I had lived in that house since 1997.  It was our first time buying a house .  Although both my kids were born in Alabama before we moved to Tennessee, we had only rented before moving into this house.  My kids basically grew up there.  My husband died there.  My grandson came home to that house and they lived there with me for 2 1/2 years.  Lots of memories.  But not a lot of outlets.  It needed new . . . everything.  And I needed a change.

My realtor sent me many home listings to look at.  He is a friend and he knows me well so he knew what I was looking for.  I didn’t want to live right up next to people with no spaces between homes.  I wanted something newer, not necessarily bigger.  My home was 2000 square feet and I was the only one living there so the size was fine.  I loved my sunroom that I had built on and I spent a lot of time in that room and little time elsewhere in the house.  I just needed the new space to be more useable space with a little room for entertaining.  My house was a tri-level, built in 1978 so the space tended to be chopped up and closed in.  I needed more counter space and storage space.  And I needed more outlets.

He sent me several new builds which I had previously not even considered because I didn’t think I could afford them.  As I looked at them . . . ding, ding, ding!  I COULD afford them.  Why would I keep looking at someone else’s home when I could build one I wanted with EXACTLY what I wanted?  I decided I needed a master on the main and a large kitchen.  My knees didn’t really want to do stairs and I am, after all, a Nana and only getting older.   He took me to look at some models. I really WAS trying to be practical.  Really.  And then I fell in love with a house.  Well, really I fell in love with a kitchen.

The Wakefield kitchen is part of a large open space across the entire back of the house.  The kitchen had tons of cabinets, tons of counter space, a huge pantry, a large bar and lots of light.  It was open to the eating area and family room with fireplace.  The cabinets were white, the granite was light in color and there was a light blue subway tile backsplash.  It was beautiful and exactly my style.  It was MY kitchen.  I wanted it.

I didn’t care that the house was 3500 square feet, much too large for just me.  I was so excited that my family could come and visit and would have space to stay.  I didn’t care that there was virtually no yard and the homes were 10 feet apart.  I didn’t care that the stairs were steep and straight up to the second floor.  I didn’t care that the master was upstairs because the master/master bath/laundry room were all amazing too.  I wanted it.  And I could afford it.  That is, IF I got the right price for my existing home.

Everything went smoothly into motion.  I proceeded with faith that this was going to happen.  I put my house on the market in late May and it sold for what I wanted and in less than 3 weeks.  OH, there bumps along the way, including a raccoon having babies in the walls under my master bath.  That’s another story for another day.  But it sold and I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment to wait patiently for my kitchen, I mean my house, to be built.

While I waited, I began to wonder if this was the right thing for me or if I was being selfish.  This house is too big for just me, what if I lost my job, what about the upkeep, am I being crazy?  But here’s the thing . . . I am 54 years old.  I always dreamed of having a house like this.  If not now, when?

I have worked hard and supported myself and my family.  I have done it alone since 2001.  I don’t want to say I “deserve” it.  No one “deserves” anything, good or bad.  I believe if you make your life choices based on the right reasons and think them through, you will make choices that enhance your life as well as others.  Sometimes it’s what you desire and sometimes it’s a learning experience.  But you always grow.  And sometimes you gotta take a chance.

I’m taking my chance.